Soylent Soup is Children!

Willy Wonka eat your heart out...

Something went wrong. Somewhere, somehow, for some reason, after exploring the catacombs in the city of the dead, Vincent died. The body was never seen nor found, everyone just knew he was dead, On trying to decide on their next course of action, the group reached the consensus of seeking out the house Jappy had told them about and finding the missing children. After discussing the matter with Solel, and being down a very dead and never coming back member of the team, he put them in contact with a local ranger in search of adventure, willing to join their efforts.

And so the group met Arime; Half-Orc ranger with a fondness for hitting things with her mace. As they ventured into the forest, keen eyes found two sets of footprints as the forest grew more dense; and soon the crew found themselves feeling much like they were walking through bread. Because they were. The natural flora of the forest was replaced with wheat, and soon enough that was replaced with walking through actual bread. A quick check by Morrigan found it to be saturated with magic…

And Trask ate some. This set off a chain of tragedy as Trask could not stop eating the whole way along, growing larger in size and gaining massive amount of weight due to a stuffing spell by the time they reached trees with leaves of licorice, he was straining his armor and large enough that he had to be rolled by the team. All attempts to convince him to stop eating fail as they reach a stream of chocolate and trees of twizzlers and candy canes. Morrigan kept on the lookout for attacks from gummi bears. She also tried to pop Trask with her dagger, before Thea can placate his unending magical hunger by casting Goodberry.

Deliberations on how to cross the river were cut short when attacked by giant wasps, but once those were dispatched with haste everything went further downhill as Thea and Arime fall into the river and are swept up by chocolate rapids. A wild scramble to rescue them ensues, requiring Aladon, Morrigan and Trask to work together and save them from drowning in chocolate. It is not as pleasant as it sounds, nor was it easy, and resulted in shenanigans, several near death experiences, being attacked by panthers, and elf women covered in chocolate.

On reaching the house on the other side… They heard a voice. Morrigan devolved into hysterics, Aladon paled and quietly prayed to Selune. Trask ate more bread, and Thea and Arime did not understand why because they had never heard the voice before. But it was a familiar voice all the same as Jappy emerged from the cottage. Though the team tried their best to capture and bind him, they were overcome by an incredible smell. The Hag was inside and she was cooking. Unable to fight their urges, they entered one by one and were restrained to the table, a magic flying spoon forcing them to eat the best tasting soup any of them had ever eaten before.

Aladon broke free, and with his spirit weapon incapacitated Jappy. Arime could not stop eating the soup, even when human body parts started to float to the top, and learned a grisly recipe. Morrigan took no chances and slit Jappy’s throat. Though they wanted to burn the house down, Thea and Aladon managed to convince the group to hold off long enough to search for the children, and found four malnourished children in a dungeon in the cellar.

Picking up the children, they narrowly escaped the Hag’s return and staggered back to Broadsea to speak with Victoria Whitlock, earning them an audience with the king, for the next day; as he had arrived in Broadsea while they were shambling around candyland playing deadly snakes and ladder traps.

Morrigan’s Notes:

Vincent: Hahahahahaha! He’s dead! He had it coming!

Arime: Big half-orc woman. Kind of on the weak side. Likes to yell at people a lot. Needs to use that bow more or it’ll collect dust.

Hag: Well we found where she is now. Hospitable, even if she is utterly murderous.

Children: I hate children.

Children Soup: I won’t tell anyone if you won’t, creepy notebook… But it was really good.

(The entire section is raging illegible scrawling saved for “I KILLED HIM, I WIN!!!!!!” repeated roughly twenty or more times before returning to hysterical ravings.


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